CRIS ZIM! THE DISASTER CONTINUES DON'T ANSWER THE CALL
by tusitalabruni
Summary: Unloveable schlub Cris Zim just has to try to get a job with the Ghostbusters. Could you imagine him with a proton pack? No one should. Sorry I put that in your head.


CRIS ZIM!

THE DISASTER CONTINUES

DON'T ANSWER THE CALL

"He's a perfect fit," Erin Gilbert said. "I think we should hire him."

"What about the other guy?" Abby Yates asked. "You know, the one who looks kind of like that Thor guy?"

"He's cute, but not like this one. Plus, he's got that sleeve of tats. That's pretty awesome, right?"

"How about you, Holtzmann?" Yates asked. "What do you think?"

Holtzmann barely glanced over her shoulder from her lab. "Eh. I think he looks fragile. We'll break him like a plastic fork."

Zim felt the urge to tell her off, considering all the adventures he'd gone on. He thought he'd done pretty well on the Enterprise. And it was cool that one of the attractive Ghostbusters wanted to hire him. He liked Holtzmann, too, but he got the feeling he didn't have a chance with her. Still, you never knew when someone would pass out at the office.

"I'd rather we went with Thor," Yates said. "This guy has muscle, but none of it looks earned. Thor was huuuuuuuuge. He could take the recoil from one of our proton packs."

"Tats there looks like he could be good cannon fodder," Holtzmann said.

Gilbert rolled her eyes. "What's your name again?"

"Cris Zim. You can call me Cris."

"Zim. I like the sound of that."

Zim let out a tremendous sigh.

"You should really get another tattoo sleeve," Gilbert said. "I think that would be . . . dreamy."

Whoa. Zim offered a grin and thought maybe he should tell this woman his life story and about all the things he hated.

"Fine," Yates said. "We'll hire him _if_ he passes the test."

"Test?" Gilbert asked.

"Yeah, I'm not good at tests," Zim said.

Holtzmann whirled around, grinning like a maniac. She held aloft proton weapons. "If he can fire these accurately, we'll take him."

It looked simple enough. "Sure," Zim said. "Where do we go?"

"To the alley!" And Holtzmann swaggered off. Yates followed, rolling her eyes. Gilbert waited, looking at Zim. He got the idea and followed Yates. He could feel Gilbert looking at his ass, so he turned around. Sure enough, she was. Zim felt good about that. Maybe he could tell her about all the women who betrayed him.

They found themselves in an alley, and Holtzmann set up targets and motioned Zim further away from them. When she deemed he was far enough, she held up her hand, palm out.

Zim stopped. He took one of the bigger proton packs and strapped it to his back.

"We need you to hit that garbage can with the X on it," Holtzmann said. "Do you think you could do that?"

"Easy peasy," Zim said. He could barely see it when he squinted.

"Can you see it?" Yates asked.

"Of course I can see it!" Zim yelled. "I'd have to be blind!"

Gilbert frowned. "He doesn't look so good when he shouts like that."

"Maybe we should call this off," Yates said.

"Nonsense," Holtzmann said. "I can't wait to watch this unfold." She turned to Zim. "Fire at will."

Zim zeroed in on the garbage can he thought had the X on it. As it turned out, he was right, but he still had no idea if he was doing this right. "Where's the trigger?" he muttered.

"There," Holtzmann said. When she saw Zim still didn't find it, she pointed the button out.

"Oh," ZIm said. He barely grazed the button, and the photon blaster went off, cooking Holtzmann where she stood. The blast went through her and hit the garbage can, but it shot into the sky and ricocheted off the building. The can blasted into Yates, taking her head off at the shoulders. Zim flailed wildly with the blaster until finally he figured out that to shut it down, all he had to do was stop touching the button.

Gilbert screamed, looking at the carnage that had once been her friends and coworkers. "What have you done, Zim?!"

"I, uh . . ." Zim scratched his head with the proton blaster. "Sorry. I didn't know it would be that bad."

"You killed them!" Gilbert shouted.

"That sucks," Zim said. "You must be dis . . . uh . . . grieving. Let me take you out for a drink."

"A drink?! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE OFF THE PROTON PACK AND GET OUT OF HERE!"

Zim sighed. He usually had that effect on women. They were always interested in him at first, and then he blew it. Fuck. He took off the proton pack and trudged away. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he could try heading west. Didn't something like that work for him before? He remembered going back to Lisle with a pocketful of cash, even if those beautiful women kicked him out of their car after a mile.

Yeah. He thought he'd try heading west instead. But first, he needed to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

CRIS ZIM WILL RETURN . . . NEXT FRIDAY!


End file.
